Bittersweet

Usually, when school first gets out, I wonder how in the world I'm going to entertain all 3 children daily.  After about a week, though, we all adjust and it all becomes natural.  About 3 weeks prior to school starting, we are all ready for school to begin again.  This summer, however, felt very short.  I'm not sure if it was because I was working some and therefore had fewer days with the kids, but this summer felt short.  Also, I will admit that I was dreading Noah beginning Pre-K.  He's my baby--I've had a child at home all day every day for the past 9 years.  It's scary territory knowing that I would not have a child around for part of my day. 

Katie is now in fourth grade.  That's so hard to believe and very tough to admit that I have a child who will be in middle school in two years.  Two years is not a long time...though I used to believe that it was!  So far, she seems to be enjoying school, as she has several of her friends in her class this year.  She is quite smart, but in third grade, she did not apply herself as much as she should have.  She's also a Mountain View Bears cheerleader!  I've never seen her so excited as she is cheering!

Aidan is now in first grade.  It's hard to believe that two years ago, he was just starting Pre-K, and now he's in first grade!  His teacher seems very nice, and I'm hopeful that his year in first grade will be just as wonderful as his kindergarten year.  He learned so much, and he loves school.  He's also in PeeWee baseball now--no more tees for him!

It was really tough for me to take Noah to Pre-K.  With Noah's speech delay, I wasn't sure how it would all work out for him.  He is very friendly (and social), but it was difficult for me to let him go.  Noah may not have the same amount of speech as a typical 4-year-old, but he's so endearing.  Not only that, but he does know his letters, his numbers, and his name.  What he lacks in speech he makes up for in knowledge.  I am excited to see how he progresses this year.  Also, he's in t-ball for the first time (he was in pre-t last season), and he's making some progress in his game.

It's really tough watching your children grow up--a lot more difficult than I ever could've imaged prior to having children!

Aidan's First Kiss

When I was growing up, I really looked up to my sisters.  After all, they are 7 and 8 years older than I, so I thought they were really cool, getting to do all the fun stuff while I was still a little kid.  I remember spying on my oldest sister one night.  She had been dating her husband for a long time, but a long-running joke was how they broke up once per year every April.  Well, when they broke up that April, she began dating someone else for once.  My other sisters and I heard when she got home, so we were able to sneak into the garage and spy on our oldest sister while she said goodnight to her date.  Naturally, they kissed, which is what we were counting on!  I began invisioning kissing a future boyfriend one day, and it made me really happy to think of that time. 

When I was 15, I was very active in my church's youth group.  I went to all of the activities, and it was quite common for people in the youth group to begin dating one another.  This one older guy (he was maybe 2 years older?) and became friends--we would talk during youth group, and hang out together.  Well, one evening, as we were about to go into youth group, he pulled me aside and kissed me!  It was my first true kiss!  I was filled with excitement, as I had been anticipating this event for as long as I could remember. 

Today, as we were driving home from VBS, Aidan informed me that he had been kissed by a girl at church yesterday.  Apparently, today, he kissed her!  Now, they had held hands before, but this time, they kissed each other on the cheek!  I know the little girl--she was in Aidan's Pre-K class, and we are friends with her parents.  According to Aidan, she told him that she wants to marry him when they grow up!  My goodness--I never thought my 6-year-old would be betrothed at such a young age in this day and age!  Kids grow up too fast!!!!

Spring is in the air!

We have had so much going on for the past few months!  Baseball season is over for now, but it was an interesting season.  Noah was in Pre-T this spring, and he really enjoyed himself!  I could really see the progression as the season progressed.  When he first began, when his team was playing on the field, Noah would run in circles around the ball, kicking up dirt and not even trying to retrieve the ball.  As the season went on, though, he learned to actually pick up the ball as it was hit towards him, and he would throw it *toward* first base.  He even earned his game by getting all coach-pitched hits!  My little Red Sox player loved his first taste of baseball! 


Aidan has also been enjoying baseball this season.  Unfortunately, he was on a team that did not get very many wins.  His team finished the season 1-12--very different from every other season he has had with baseball.  The good news is that he really has come a long way with his playing.  When the season began, his coach had him in the outfield.  At Chris' urging, his coach moved him to second base, and finally Aidan became our consistent third baseman.  While a lot of outs were not made at first base, Aidan consistently made outs at third, and earned himself two game balls!  He also got to try out for All Stars.  Out of 160 t-ball players, only 40 players were chosen to try out for All Stars, so it is a huge honor to be asked.  Although he didn't make the team, he was so excited that he had the opportunity to try out and to try his hand at being a catcher, his dream position!  We still have our end-of-season party with the Gwinnett Braves, but next fall, he gets to move up to Pee Wees.

Katie is finishing her last season of ballet.  She made pre-pointe for next fall, but she has decided that she is not interested in continuing with ballet.  Instead, she is now an official Mountain View cheerleader!  I hope that she will enjoy it--it's been difficult finding something that Katie is passionate about.  I can't believe that she will be through with third grade in 7 more days--where has the time gone?!  She has expressed interest in art, so we are debating signing her up for art camp this summer.

All three kids are signed up for VBS, and Aidan wants to go to baseball camp again.  Katie has cheer camp in late July.  I can't believe Katie will be in fourth grade, Aidan will be in first grade, and Noah will be in pre-k in the fall. 

Apraxia?

It's been awhile since I've written anything on this blog!!! We've stayed busy, and the kids are doing well. Today Aidan and Noah had their well child visits with their doctor. Aidan is in the 25% percentile for both height and weight. He's doing well--the doctor told him that if he can't learn to control his behavior, then he can speak with someone. Aidan is a model student in school and baseball--he NEVER, EVER gets into trouble, and his teachers wish all of their students were like him. At home, though, he's been melting down. He will wrestle with his brother, talk back, and generally being a pain to be around. We've tried punishments and rewards, but nothing has been working. The doctor said a lot of it is his age, and told him that if he feels himself melting down, then he needs to recognize it and calmly go do something quiet until he calms down. She doesn't think he has any behavioral problems--I don't, either, but it's get old very quickly having him get into trouble nightly at home! He really is a sweet, caring boy, but he's got to stop melting down at home!

Noah is in the 75% percentile for height and weight--what a big boy he has always been! He was very good for his appointment, as he did exactly what he was asked. However, he wouldn't tell the dr. when he heard a beep for his hearing test. The dr. and I discussed Noah's speech, and she did a few speech tests on him. It's obvious he knows his shapes and colors, so she tested him. She agrees that he is very social, and most certainly not on the austism spectrum, which is wonderful news. However, she did suggest that he may have apraxia. I actually think someone has finally hit the nail on the head! Chris and I have always said that Noah knows exactly what you are saying, but he can't seem to communicate back. Noah is getting a referral to an audiologist to retest his hearing, as he has to pass for his school forms. Also, we absolutely have to get Noah back into speech therapy. I've done a bit of research on apraxia, and some things sound right on target. It's as if Noah wants to answer, but he can't find the word he's searching for. I hope and pray we can get some real answers soon--I can't wait until the day that Noah can carry on a true conversation with me!

1 Year Later

11/11/10 was a day that I wish I could forget. Well, if you get down to it, I really wish I could erase the week from 11/5/10 through 11/11/10. So this year, while many people were making great memories of 11/11/11, I was simply getting through the day. You see, I lost my twins a year ago on 11/11/11. It has been a strange year--much of it was spent with me burying my emotions and struggling to get through each day. Thankfully, around my birthday, Chris and I had a much needed talk about the miscarriage. During that time, I finally heard what I needed to hear from him, and I finally could talk about how much I am lacking closure.

So, during November 2011, I am focusing on how thankful I am to finally be healing some. I have given my pain to God, because I am ready to be free from it. Yes, there are still dark days and sad times, but there are finally more good days than bad. I still have my pregnancy blog up from where I abruptly ended it last November, and I may link it to this blog.

"Are you expecting?!"

As women, we experience things that guys simply don't have to put up with. If a guy is getting gray, he looks distinguished, but if a woman goes gray, she's simply just getting old. If a man waits until his 40s to get married, he's just having fun, but if a woman waits that long, she's past her peak. If a man gains weight, it's simply overlooked. However, if a woman pops out three kids and is no longer a size zero, then everyone assumes that she is pregnant simply because she has a belly. At least, this has been my experience. I've been working a lot at Van Adams lately, and the amount of clueless people that ask me if I'm pregnant has become irritating. Granted, I've let myself go a bit this past year. Losing the babies put me in a funk, and I haven't been taking great care of myself, but I don't think that a size 6 is any cause for me to feel self-conscious about my weight. However, my self-image has taken a drastic downward turn lately due to clueless people.

The very first time someone asked me if I was pregnant when I wasn't was in Douglasville. I was working at BOA at the time, and a man asked if I was pregnant. I wasn't, but I did get preggo with Noah shortly after that. Last summer, a vendor at Van's asked if I was preggo, and when I told him no, he was mortified and gave me numerous Starbuck's gift cards to apologize. Once again, shortly thereafter, I was preggo. A couple of weeks ago, a lady at Van's asked when I was due. When I told her I wasn't expecting, she apologized and clearly felt bad. I was not pleased, but I do realize that I have a belly. The very next morning, as Chris and I got breakfast, the owner asked if I had had the baby yet. The sent me to car in tears. A couple of days after that, a man at Van's asked when the baby was due. I was more than annoyed and told him that not only was I not pregnant but that I obviously need to lose weight. Today, it happened again. A good customer (an older lady--she should know better) got all excited and said how lucky I was to be expecting. Now I'm humilitated and feel like I can't go out in public. Most of my belly is extra skin--I've popped out TWO 9 pound boys! Not only that, but no matter what I wear, I get asked about my belly. I can wear tighter clothes and get asked, or I can wear lose clothes and get asked. It truly makes me not want to leave my house.

I've decided people are clueless, because I'm not the only one getting asked when I'm expecting. I blame the media. I mean, celebrities can pop out babies and have personal trainers to whip them into shape in just a couple of months, and they can afford tummy tucks. The average mother cannot get her shape back, let alone afford a tummy tuck. Therefore, peoples' images of women have them believing that their bellies should be flat. If they aren't, then surely the women are expecting. It's a twisted opinion, and very damaging to self-esteem. No wonder girls are anorexic, and no wonder women suffer from low self-esteem.

I have been working out nearly every day, desperately trying to firm up my belly. I know I'm out-of-shape, and I want to look and feel healthy. I also want the general public to wake up and think before they speak! How would they feel I asked them the same question? If I am blessed enough to be expecting again, then trust me, I will be shouting it at the top of my lungs! But until that day arrives, please be advised: No, I'm not pregnant, and if you're smart, you won't ask! (I read this on a t-shirt someone had made up because she was tired of being asked the same question!)

Sweet Summertime

It's been awhile since I've written. After such a busy spring, summer and the laziness that has ensued has hindered my writing. Actually, I think I've had a bit of postpartum depression. Yes, it is entirely possible to have postpartum depression after a pregnancy loss, just as it's possible after having a live baby. Spring kept me busy and allowed me to focus on many things, but when it all ended, I crashed emotionally. I have not been to a doctor or anything. However, I am finally allowing myself to think about what all happened, and I'm still trying to find peace with it. Though I am thrilled for any others who are pregnant or just had a baby, I mourn for my own loss each time a new pregnancy or birth is announced.

However, enough about me. The kids are out of school, of course. Katie and Aidan had a blast at VBS this summer, in which the theme was Galactic Blast. I'll post about our vacation to Myrtle Beach soon. This week, Aidan is at baseball camp with Jack City Sports Center. He's loving it so far! It's hard to believe the beginning of the school year is just a few short weeks away! Katie's ballet will begin the week school begins, and baseball begins in late August.

Noah's speech is getting better, but we are still debating putting him back into ST. My uncle is actually a professional when it comes to speech, and my dad discussed Noah's speech with him. I'm thrilled to say that my uncle, who is very familiar with austism, agrees that Noah does not appear to be on the austism spectrum at all. My uncle suggested a specific, rare form of speech therapy that he believes would be beneficial for Noah, and we are looking into it. I'm not sure if insurance will cover it or not. However, I feel confident that Noah will soon get the ST he needs and will hopefully become a chatterbox!