Patience

I am not a very patient person. I really do try to be. I think my kids have taught me a lot about patience, sometimes without even meaning to. I have learned to be calmer when I take all three of them out, and I have learned the things that set them off. When you're pregnant, you have to wait 9 months to meet this amazing person that you have felt grow inside of you for almost a year. Potty training--oh, yes, much patience is needed for that as well!

If I have learned one thing during this process of buying a short sale house, it's that I need to be patient, and that's been a challenge. I have so many ideas for ways to make the house our home that I am eager and want to get started. I feel like a child on Christmas--I can't wait to see my present!

When I wrote my post on Tuesday, I was very bitter, angry, and above all else, disappointed. There is only one other time I have felt that way, and it was in 2005. When Katie was about 18 months old, just after Christmas, Chris and I went to Cherokee, NC. It was our first trip since having Katie that she didn't go with us, but it was a much-needed break. After coming home, I found out I was pregnant and due in October, just after Katie's second birthday. I was so excited! My OB-GYN does not confirm pregnancies until you are at least 6-8 weeks along. The reason for this is that they do a free, early ultrasound to make sure everything is moving along as it should be, and the heart doesn't usually begin beating until around the 5th week of the pregnancy. I went in when I was 8 weeks pregnant. I was having morning sickness and felt very pregnant. When we looked at the ultrasound, though, I knew immediately something was wrong. I couldn't see the flickering of a heartbeat, and the baby wasn't as big as it should've been. I didn't understand--when I had a miscarriage before Katie, my pregnancy symptoms simply vanished and I began bleeding. This time, though, I was ill. I was not bleeding. I knew they had to be wrong, so I refused their advice of scheduling a D&C immediately and asked for another ultrasound and some bloodwork. When the bloodwork came back, I was indeed pregnant--my numbers of HGC were around 75,000, a good number for where I was in the pregnancy. However, my numbers from 2 days later dropped a little, so we had another ultrasound, and the baby was smaller. I felt empty inside. I began crying, and I couldn't stop. Chris knew how upset I was, so we left Katie with his parents and headed out to Biloxi, MS because I wanted to go to a beach. We packed nothing. My crying continued most of the drive, but when we got there, I felt better. We didn't find a hotel room until 3 am, but we ate Whattaburger and talked. We went dancing. Basically, we got away. The next day, we went to the beach and enjoyed the salt air for a bit, then we drove back home. I had my D&C on March 16, and vividly remember watching "The Incredibles" with Chris and Katie that night. However, the worst was yet to come. After my surgery, they tested the pregnancy materials and discovered that I had had a partial molar pregnancy. This means the child had an extra set of genes, but the worst part was that a molar pregnancy, even when removed surgically, could come back and spread like cancer in my uterus. I didn't know how things could get worse, but they did. My dr. recommended not getting pregnant for a year, and I would have tests often to test my HGC levels. Once they hit 0, I would be told to wait 3 more months and then I could try again. My patience was maxed out. Not only would I never meet that child, I wasn't allowed to get pregnant again for a YEAR! That felt like an eternity to me. I knew in my heart God must have a plan, but I felt alone. I started having weekly tests, and my HGC levels dropped drastically after 1 week. By the time it had been a month since my surgery, my levels hit 0. At that time, I was told to wait the 3 months, but then I could try again and not wait the year. After 2 months, I discovered I was pregnant. My doctor wasn't happy, but immediately began tests, and the baby was healthy. At 14 weeks, I began bleeding, and I couldn't stand the thought of another miscarriage. I went to the doctor, and the ultrasound not only revealed a healthy baby, but we found out it was a boy due on Valentine's Day! Aidan was born on Feb. 7, 2006, and was quite healthy. Sometimes I wonder what the other child would've been like, but I know that Aidan was meant to be here instead. He's a loving, sweet boy, and I cannot imagine our family without him.

So, even though I'm disappointed that I'm not in the new house today, as we planned, I know that we will be. Somehow, some way, things will work out, and my patience will be rewarded. We are blessed that Ironstone, the bank that owns our current rental house, has agreed to let us stay indefinately, and we do not pay rent, either. Every month that goes by without rent or mortgage means we are saving that much more money in our account, building up a bigger nest egg. I couldn't see it the other day, but I'm beginning to see the hidden blessing in waiting.