Family Planning

I don't know about everyone else, but when I was a little girl, I envisioned meeting a wonderful man, getting married, having kids, and living happily ever after. I never thought about the details, of course--I just figured that once I was married, everything would magically work itself out. Naturally, as I grew up, I figured out that there was a whole lot more to marriage and kids.

As a teenager, I didn't think much about birth control. I was raised Catholic, and Catholics view artificial birth control very negatively. However, when I went to college, a lot of my friends were on birth control for various reasons. I still did not get on the pill. I met Chris, fell in love, and we were engaged. A few months before our wedding, I decided to go ahead and try out the pill. As I mentioned, I was raised to believe that the pill was not acceptable, yet Chris and I knew we did not want to get pregnant immediately. I went on Ortho-Cycline and it did horrible things to my body. However, I decided to give it a try for a few months, at least until after the wedding. We were married in April 2002. By September, I had had enough and went off of the pill. We weren't trying to have a baby, but we were ok if it happened. Sure enough, I was pregnant by October. Unfortunately, that pregnancy ended in miscarriage. I was devastated. Of course, by then, I wanted to be pregnant, and by Christmas, I found out I was expecting Katie. After her birth, I went on the mini-pill. I liked that so much better than the combined pill, and I was on that for about a year or so before going off of it. Once again, I got pregnant again, and was devasted to learn I had a partial molar pregnancy. However, I was blessed to get pregnant with Aidan a few months later. After Aidan's birth, I went back on the mini-pill, but around Aidan's first birthday, I got very sick with pneumonia. I didn't realize the antibiotic would affect the pill, so I was surprised to learn I was expecting Noah! There was no miscarriage this time! While I was still pregnant with Noah, we discussed our options after Noah's birth. Although I knew I was not done having kids, we wanted something more reliable than the pill. We decided to go with the Mirena. I had that put in place 6 weeks after his birth. Now, a lot of my friends had decided to go with the Mirena, so I was hopeful to have something wonderful. It was a horrible decision. I began spotting bi-weekly, and I was miserable. 10 months later, I had it removed and went back on the pill. Unfortunately, I continued spotting and had to switch pills about 3 times before I found one that worked. I ended up back on the mini-pill. Two months later, in Sept. 2010, I learned I was pregnant again, this time completely unexpectedly. I fell into that low percentage of those who got pregnant taking the pill correctly. But, we all know how the story ends--I was pregnant with twins that did not make it.

Now, let me go deeper. The side effects of the pill can be bad--spotting between periods, irritability, weight gain, blood clots, high blood pressure--the list goes on. I never thought much about the side effects--I figured most of them wouldn't affect, and I was correct. However, after I had Noah and went back on the pill, my body responded differently. My entire life, even during pregnancies, I've had low blood pressure. Once I had Noah and went back on the pill, my blood pressure rose. I went from being well below normal to borderline high blood pressure. I couldn't figure it out. Then, during my pre-op for the D&C, the nurse at the hospital asked if I was on blood pressure medicine, and I responded no. Well, as you all know, my D&C was botched, and I ended up back at the dr. on Friday. When they took my blood pressure, it was 112/60--such a difference from the 130/80 a few weeks back! That's when it hit me--for the first time in ages, I have been off of birth control for several months and my body has had a chance to reset itself!

However, it's more than physical--it's become moral. I began researching the pill a bit more. I learned much more about how it works. Initially, I thought it kept me from ovulating, but as you read the material, you learn that it sometimes works by not allowing a fertilized egg to implant. I have now lost 4 babies, and I have always been pro-life. However, now I understand why the Catholic church is so opposed to the pill. Personally, I cannot ever go back to something that could destroy a life. For me, life begins the moment the sperm and the egg meet. I realize that not everyone feels this way, and this is not meant to be an offensive post. I'm simply saying that, for me, the benefits no longer outweigh the risks. I am not like the Duggars. I would never try to push my views on anyone else, and I'm not looking to have 30 kids. There are other types of family planning, ones that I can live with.