Over the past two weeks, I've had a lot of time to reflect on things in my life. Most of the time, I'm pretty good at trying to look at the bright side of things. However, I must admit, right now, I'm having a hard time. I've just been reminded not to take anything for granted--it can be taken away in an instant. Chris lost his grandmother just two days after the D&C. He's in Arkansas right now for the funeral, and he's coming home tomorrow. As much as I need him at home, he needed to be there. Losing three people in one week is too many. Our November has not been the best. Actually, it's been miserable. As shocked as I was to learn of my pregnancy, I am beyond devastated that it ended in two miscarriages. I didn't appreciate what I had, and it was taken away.
Each day is difficult. Sometimes, I don't want to get out of bed. Most times, I am avoiding friends because I'm just not ready. I take it hour by hour, not even day by day. I cry daily. Sometimes it's a lot, sometimes it's not, but my emotions are filled with anger and disappointment.
When I had the miscarriage before Aidan, Chris and I watched "The Princess Diaries 2", and I will forever associate that with my D&C. Kelly Clarkston's song "Breakaway" was the main song in that movie, and any time I hear that song, I think of the pregnancy that I lost. This time, though, one song came to mind. If you listen to the lyrics, it can fit almost any situation, and it's so true. "Life Ain't Always Beautiful" really seems to fit right now. I tried adding the actual video, but it's missing the sound, so here's the link. Just listen to the lyrics--they are amazing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0VDNMtn0t2A
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